July 24, 2010, 12:38 pm

2nd Place is the 1st Loser

by Pete

It all began with a long-term goal…  CP regular Bill Whitney started his mission to claim the title of “CP’s Fastest Client/Staff Member” by challenging current intern Henry Lau to a 100m footrace.  While 9 out of 10 people aware of the race assumed that Henry would win convincingly, Bill claimed a resounding victory despite pulling up lame as he crossed the finish line.

Fast forward 28 days (because Bill needed to wait for his sore hamstring to calm down) to the second step along Bill’s rise to greatness.  The setting: Hudson High School track…The competitors:  THE Bill Whitney, CP Vice President Pete Dupuis*, and Middlebury College Baseball Player Grant Nishioka…

Here’s a taste of some pre-race interviews:

Once Bill had completed his foam rolling on the side of the track, a full dynamic warm-up, a brief bathroom break, the brutal sacrifice of an innocent goat, and a handful of starts/side-shuffles, it was go-time.  This time around, the race was shortened to 60 yards to accommodate three athletes who really have no business sprinting 100% for any other reason than running like a bear is chasing them.

As you can see in real-time, the race came down to a photo finish…

Since freeze-frames don’t lie, you can see that the VP took the victory by roughly the length of a toenail.  Bill came through the finish just a fraction of a second behind, with Grant (a 19 year old collegiate athlete, mind you) taking up the rear.  However, Grant does earn bonus points for slamming his headband on the ground in disgust and eventually going all Bobby Knight on an innocent hurdle at the conclusion of the video.

* The lesson to take away from this result is that it is ALWAYS a good decision to squat, deadlift, push the prowler on the low-setting, and then consume 20oz of chocolate milk immediately prior to any footrace.  ALWAYS.

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